8 totally RADICAL 90s commercials

by Jeffrey

I was born in 1991. Just in time to experience being targeted by some of the wildest commercials the world has ever seen. Commercials depicting board games being played in what looks to be life-or-death scenarios, artificial fruit drinks that turn you into a nuclear abomination and toys to make fist fights just a little safer. In this weeks blog post we’re gonna look at 8 of the most radical, weird and awesome commercials from the 90s. Let’s get totally tubular.

Crossfire

Two kids surf into a flame-lit arena surrounded by cheering fans, ready to engage in mortal battle. Enter a jungle beat littered with a sampled slap-bass and head-voice high notes. This game was already the coolest, and the commercial made it even cooler. In my family, to this day, if one of us starts singing “CROSSFIRE”, the rest of us are competing to hit that high note. Though I played it every chance I got when visiting Alex as a kid, I don’t think I ever even really knew what the goal was. Simply shooting the self loading metal balls around the board was enough to keep me captivated. But what’s stuck out even more over the last 3 decades is this very commercial.

Tyco RC Mutator

“Maximum Heat” is right. This commercial is so many levels of rad that it’d break a geiger counter. Sick drifts, off roading, radical jumps. In a 90s world filled with transformers and a hot new RC car quarterly, this checks both boxes. This is so cool, that I find myself wanting one more now than when this commercial aired. There are a couple other RC cars of the time that did somewhat similar things, but I think this one takes the zebra cake.

Creepy Crawlers

“You can be a little creep, without being bad” is one of the most hilarious lines used to sell anything ever. Especially for an easy bake oven that made inedible insects. Though, I’m sure the majority of kids were still trying to eat them anyway. The 90’s also really tried to turn every living boy into a dastardly prankster, what was that about.

Sock’em Boppers

Another commercial that will live in my head forever. This one is so bizarre to think about now. Without a doubt kids were absolutely CLOBBERING each other with these. It doesn’t take much to knock a kid over, so while the initial hit was somewhat protected, what was gonna save these poor souls when they hit the ground?

Gak

This song RULES, and any commercial with a disgusted librarian archetype is a plus. Gak itself is a testament of great marketing. How else would you get parents to buy a probably-toxic, dry wall staining and stinky pile of goo? I’m still convinced that the home I grew up in still has a purple Gak stain on the ceiling.

Capri sun

What happens when you drink a pouch filled with a 10% juice mixture? You turn into an Alex Mack or a Terminator of course. I wonder how many kids actually never touched a Capri Sun out of fear they’d permanently turn into liquid metal. Also, hey, they aren’t THAT easy to open. Don’t gaslight me radical-voice-over-bro.

Stridex

“Welcome… You’ve got… ZITS” HAHAHAHA. You know. I love how new the internet was at this time. This wasn’t the only commercial like it from the 90s, but it’s doggone hilarious. I miss the time when the internet itself had an aesthetic and an identity. But those days are long gone. If you’re interested in the aesthetic and want to play a REAL weird game. Look up Hypnospace Outlaw. It’s… Something.

Sega Genesis

This one also makes me laugh out loud dude. But in this case, it’s intentionally humorous, and totally nails the tone of 90s infomercials. The callout of avoiding false advertising with “wiener dog sweater sold separately” and not the fact that you can’t julienne fries with your copy of Sonic 2 is peak comedy.

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Researching for this post has made me nearly emotional, in a good way. 90s marketing was so cool. They were never afraid to try something super weird, or even shy away from being entirely misleading, which led to hilarious results. No longer do companies try to get kids to fist fight each other or turn into primordial ooze. Killer jingles are mostly a thing of the past too. When is the renaissance of 90s style marketing making a comeback? I’m hoping soon.